Fallen
by Queen-morganalefay
Summary: What would have happened if Robin could not have been released from his apprenticeship to Slade until it was too late? A song fic to Sarah McLachlan's Fallen. Rating for death and implied violence. Mild RobStar. One shot


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not a thing. Nada. Zip.

Author's Note: Came up with this idea a long time ago, around Christmas, and recently finished it at a basketball game. I hope you like it, but if you don't, then, I'm sorry I wasted your time. Hey, you're the one who chose to read it. And can someone tell me why all my fics seem to be morbid? Oh, and if there's more grammatical errors than usual, it's because the computer I'm using to type this on doesn't have spell check.

* * *

_"With a push of a button, my probes will attack..."_

_"...my probes will stay undetected for years..."_

_"Who knows? I may even become like a father to you."_

Heaven bend to take my hand

And lead me through the fire

Be the long awaited answer

To a long and painful fight.

The years had passed, crawling by with the indescribable pain the Apprentice felt, staring into the cool gray eye, controlled by the blow of his gauntlet, the snide in his voice, and still the Apprentice bears it. He bears it because he knows the shattered fragments of his life cannot be put to rights. Every prediction made by his Master's voice, so cool and confident and from so long ago has come to reveal itself as the truth. So many had fallen...so many lay broken in his path, his new path, the path of righteousness left behind.

Movement had been his ally, his novacaine, the killer of his conscious. If he kept moving he wouldn't have to think about what should have been. The Apprentice had done all he could think to do at that initial danger.

Truth be told, I've tried my best

But somewhere along the way

I got caught up in all there was to offer

And the cost was so much more

Than I could bear

Whenever necessary, whever possible, he protected them. He avoided them. He longed to be back in their company. The had been trained far too well; everywhere he went they followed like shadows. Or maybe he was the shadow, the shadow cast across the city he had once loved. Now that city had gone to hell.

The pain, the physical pain caused by his Master, that was tolerable. That was so much more bearable for the Apprentice. It was almost needed...her pain, though, that was so different, so much greater. Her cat-like green eyes cut through him like swords and blows never could. Long ago her tone, all of their tones, had stopped sounding concerned. They had accepted cold truth, and he had lost them, possibly forever.

Though I tried

Fallen--I have sunk so low

I have messed up better

I should know

So don't come around here

And tell me

I told you so

He pushed the thoughts of condemnation farther from him and stumbled forward in the dark street, crimson dripping from him, his mask torn, revealing one eye, hiding another. Stupid mistakes...one stupid mistake after another had made him more and more like his Master. Soon he'd be dead like his Master. Soon he wouldn't be the curse...his death would be the cure.

We all begin with good intent

Love was raw and young

We believe that we can change ourselves

The past can be undone

Her laugh was what he remembered most. It kept him close to the need to fight away any who would kill that laugh. He hadn't always been like this, stumbling and bleeding, a mercenary. Once he had been a crusader who brought peace through violence.

After that first taste, there's no going back. After you watch the life drain from someone's eyes, from someone you never knew, you'll never be healed. They had been there when it happened, they had said it could be fixed...all he had to do was tell them what was wrong, what had happened to him. The danger was still there. They could still be harmed. It would still be his fault.

But we carry on for bad or good

And time always reveals

In the lonely light of morning

In the would that would not heal

It's the bitter taste of losing everything

I've held so dear

The danger was past now. The Apprentice had made sure of it. His Master was dead, but he, the Apprentice, he had done too much to be forgiven. Only death could be his salvation now. Only death could release him from the pain of his crimes.

Though I tried

Fallen--I have sunk so low

I have messed up better

I should know

So don't come around here

And tell me

I told you so

With the last of his strength he pushed open the heavy wooden doors leading into the cathedral. Incense mixed with the smell of chalky dust filled his nostrils as he pulled himself wearily into the building, bleeding upon the stretch of carpet leading to the alter. If he died tonight, weak as he was, it would be before God who knew all of his sins. Falling to the ground at last, he thought he heard the sound of sirens...

Heaven bend to take my hand

I've nowhere left to turn

I'm lost in those I thought were friends

To everone I know

Oh, they turn their heads, embarrassed

And pretend that they don't see

That it's one misstep, one slip before you know it

And there doesn't seem a way

To be redeemed

Where were they, the ones from so long ago, so far away? He longed for his friends, his family, for someone to find him. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

His imagination was playing tricks on him in his weakened state. It wasn't her cooling hand he felt against his brow; it wasn't her warm voice washing over his troubled mind. His eyes marveled over the illusion of those emerald eyes, that sad smile, for it must be an illusion...it couldn't be real.

"You are safe from harm now, Robin. Everything will be alright."

Her tanned fingers brushed against the wounds where the police had fired...at least they had done right. Not like the Apprentice. The police had done right to shoot him, to stop him. Her touch was comforting, but he couldn't tell her so...it was hard enough to take in air. She knew...he knew that she knew there was no hope for him.

Though I tried

Fallen--I have sunk so low

I have messed up better

I should know

So don't come around here

And tell me

I told you so

Pain was swept away as the Apprentice allowed himself to be cradled and to fall...his last breath filled him, his last thought releasing him from his apprenticed state.

_I can't be told to hurt others anymore, Slade. You won't win anymore._


End file.
